Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
