I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
