wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
