I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
