Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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