DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize