I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
