You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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