Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
