"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Can i not drive my cunt home
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
