i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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