When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
