True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
