You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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