Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
