I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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