So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize