false alarm. still invincible.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
