theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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