You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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