Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
