I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize