also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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