I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
