My boss' voice literally gives me gas
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
