He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
