he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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