Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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