I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My ass is underappreciated
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
