At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
