i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You are a genius and a whore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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