It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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