Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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