no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
