well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
