It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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