I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
