Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
