i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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