I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize