yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
