Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
