I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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