Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
