Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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