Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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