playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
