I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
