I've blown a few things in my day
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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