let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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