Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
