Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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