babies were throwing up all over the place
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my shit smells like andre
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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