Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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