You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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