But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
