hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
