He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
