The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
