he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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