i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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