I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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