It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
