After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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