I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
