Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
