Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
