Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
