i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
