Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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