Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
lets start a swedish sibling band together
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
