I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
