Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
