I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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