who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
