Yo dont text me then not text me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize