I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Send help, water and tortillas.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
