Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
