My liver just broke up with me...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
bring money and cleavage
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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