There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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