Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize