is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
