Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They took my balls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
